Shoulder my cry

Contrary to popular belief, every man, however macho or otherwise, has every emotions that are considered feminine. We cry. We need support. We love. We miss. We are what we are. Here I am throwing in my growing frustration into words & hoping it would cure me and 'man' me up! :-)

This ain't a take on any one nor a sarcastic hit on my ex(s) but just words to my current flow of thoughts. Appreciate if you can but I ain't taking anything negative on this one! Not in a mood, you see!

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Silent as tears rolls the inner abyss deepens

At times in life, we pause the run, look back and realize

its more chaotic & unpredictable than a pair of rolling dice;

Every aspect of my life has seen its share of low & high

But love is the pain that leaves me empty, parched & dry...

        ...can someone share a shoulder for me to cry?!!

I am creative, sensitive, funny n jolly to be around

well... but that's not good enough is what I just found

my care, understanding is needed when you down, out n sour

but when it comes to loving me I am just shown the door.

        ...is there anyone who can love me & shoulder my cry?

Need an understanding shoulder to feel human

"Thanks for being born" I was told after years together

"Naah! This is not working" I was slapped 3 days later;

without warning my best birthday turned into worst nightmare

a cold eerie darkness loomed over me as stood alone here...

        ...waiting for some generous one to lend & shoulder my cry.

For a real long time loneliness has been my only partner

so much so that when people come next to me I shudder.

Ain't easy to look normal when the abyss inside tears you

It doesn't help when people who like you are less than a few

        ...wondering if my destiny includes a gal who shoulder my cry?!

Lonely as I walk through the desert of my life.

In deep sleep, I suddenly heard GOD say: Sins of the past!

I woke up with tears mixing with sweat to say: End it fast.

He vanished with a smile that said: No end to your loneliness!

Suddenly some clarity about my destiny, more or less.

        Realized there ain't none who can love & shoulder my cry!

This I am penning to tend my deepest heart-felt apologies

to all those "Sorry-can't-love-even-when-forced" lovely ladies.

I fought with you for not loving me bcoz I thought I had a chance

Stupid me! I just learned that I am legless moron wanting to dance!

        Thanks for not agreeing to shoulder my cry!

Beauty of a stranger

Ever traveled hoping to meet the same stranger again? Ever thanked your lucky stars for do so? Ever wondered how would you react when you meet the stranger you were only _hoping_ to meet?

Chennai-Bangalore, a route I am way too familiar
traveled a zillion times between, year after year;
Whoever sit next to me, be it a virgin or a nun
its always been a boring lonely journey with no fun!

But, I had no clue of the wonderful impending events
when I boarded the train, as usual, at Cantonment;
After a game, a bottle of water, 2 tea & lost sleep
We disembarked with loads of memories to keep.

When train stopped so did our friendship, or so I thought
ever heard - "Travel ends but the journey does not"?
God showed how mysterious HE can get, exactly a day later
when she walked right next to me looking beautiful & better.

Should I thank my lucky stars or just accept the unexpected?
I was so full of pleasant shock, I was truly dumb-founded;
The sheer joy of meeting the same beautiful stranger, again,
is like wetting your feet in puddle during pre-monsoon rain! ;-)

Second chance is the request from GOD: "Son, its time to act"
so didn't miss dropping her @ her place & picking her contact!
Exchanged views, numbers, sms-es, giggles, laughters & smiles
with memories of that day, to meet her I would walk miles.

Penning this down @ 4 in the morning, missing my sleep
for the impressions formed are way down deep
Stranger no more she is to me, but I will send this to her
just to tell her how wonderful was the "BEAUTY OF THIS STRANGER"

Happy Bday Olive

Today would have been one of my best days in life. But that not be the case decided destiny! Olive decided I am not important in her life & so be it said I. Tomorrow is her bday & I cannot call her! :-) If I could have then I would have given her a bunch of her fav flowers & read this poem as the clock strike 00:00hrs!! Probably on my knees! :-) The romantic in me does not have job now!!! :-D Anyways, if she ever reads this blog here is my chance to reach out to her.

Even in a lonely desert spanning miles & miles
a mere thought of you brings joy & smiles;
The beauty, the charm & the twinkling eyes
would melt hearts like a bucket of ice!

You sashay along with a smile on your face,
like a ballet dancer full of élan & grace;
Your beauty & force of love is so strong & pure
even Aphrodite would feel vulnerable & insecure!

Undying confidence & a strong sense of individuality
form the biggest forces behind your personality;
Knowing the strength & determination deep inside you
even GODs & world would conspire to help you!

Today on the occasion of your 21st birthday,
Allow me to say 'MANY MANY HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY'
With this 'I shall bid adieu to you'
by saying 'MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU'

fish Vs boat

bored to hell I am, frustrated to the limits,
wondering where my life is planning 2 take me;
realization struck like bolt of lightening -
'does the fish know where the waves lead them?'
well, fishes don't but the boat does!

choices are with us - boat Vs fish;
fish lets the wave decide its course,
boat uses the wave for its course;
the choice is not a split-second decision
but a life-time commitment & a life-line too.

the choice decides our final destination
or is it our destination that maketh the choice?
wish for some clarity and some guidance
but, as always, clarity comes with the choice
and guidance comes with the destination!

'welcome to life, it sucks & you'll love it'
said, Monica Geller, of F.R.I.E.N.D.S fame;
then i laughed; now i cry & being laughed at;
i ask not for help to choose for i find it selfish
but still choices hangs over head - boat Vs fish.

unbearable pain crawls deep inside the heart
want the comfort and the medicine of my love
irony as it might sound, but truth it is
that my love caused this pain only it can heal!
'Love hurts,' said Victor M. Garcia Jr. I nodded.

The choices are to play the 'freedom' fish -
'go by the current & leave the past behind';
or to play the 'never-give-up' boat -
'understand the current & steer to victory';
Either case, it hurts & I could use some tears.

"Easy way out? Fish! fish! fish!" says devil;
"Best way out? Boat! Boat! Boat!" says angel;
Now, I should choose the boat & row my way out
but I don't have ability 2 understand the current
neither do i know anything about rowing!

sitting here, i choose to row & fight out
but fear creeps in; failure looms large;
are they real or imaginary fear & failure?
I know not! But, my sure-footed steps tumble!
I better pick up else i will go down rumbles!

I hope my efforts realize success
but right now, the current is incomprehensible
the oars are missing & I don't know swimming!
But I chose & will stick to it; I just pray
i am capable to participate in this game of life!

pride

i was chatting with my friend and this suddenly came to my mind..

the most interesting portion of life is pride
it appears like a wonderful ride
it takes us up and up of the tide
until the time when we fall and have no place to hide

love siege

to...

chax: i had got my laptop & had connected thro' moi mobile! :)

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recently i was viewing a film called "coyote ugly".. in that the protagonist lady walks into the pub, named same as the film, in a very timid & cautious manner... but soon she becomes the prime entertainment & the source of business for the pub.. to my mind, somehow this was very similar to how many love stories are...

the gal slowly & cautiously enters the guy's heart and soon she is in total command!!! also his heart's main source of entertainment is his love!!! nd this triggered the creative side of me and here is my grouping of words that i call poem on this very subject:

LOVE SIEGE

unexpected she came in,
not barging but, entering in slowly
clear cautious eyes scanning
taking in all
nd surprisingly not detesting!

there were others before
some came along nd others later
all pitchin in their luck
nd hoping a win
but surprisingly none won!

all of these she has heard
never seen but heard, you betcha;
smilingly she sat at nowhere
cautiously nd silently
knew not many of her whereabouts!

soon the owner noticed her
throw in a card for a team-game
without knowledge they were gaining,
slowly and gradually,
points were scored against their names!

the crowd around are unaware
of the potential team building along
they are blissfully ignorant,
including her gaurdian,
of the successful coupling in front!

eventually the crowd walk out
the game-room losing competitors
to this unbelievable partners in crime;
unware to hisself
the owner has shut doors on others!

one fine moment amidst joy
the void in the room hit, as a surprise,
as the owner searched all around;
with dawn of wisdom,
the reality stuck him, surprisingly, pleasant!

the facts of the life
coupled with philosophy ruling life
hits hard until ye wake up
just to inform,
"buddy, you hit a jackpot!"

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A Beautiful Proporsal

There are loads to write after my previous post. Zillion things have happened after my Goa trip. I can fill up this post on that but I dont want to. This is come-back post is for a different reason.

I have an habit of opening my orkut account when I begin my day. I check my message & reply to my scraps. I also visit other profiles who had visited mine. Today I came across a profile that came with the name Sindu. I went through her profile and was surprised to find this beautiful poem in her profile. I took a sudden liking to this and thought I should share it with you all. Without much crap from me, here it comes....

       Feelings.....

When I saw your name next to mine,
In our wedding card,
I felt blessed.

When I saw you smile,
Seeing me in the traditional bride groom dress,
I felt teased.

When I held your hand,
During the marriage rituals,
I felt responsible.

When you entered my lonely bachelor life,
And changed it into a heavenly abode,
I felt lucky.

When you showed the same love as I did,
Towards my parents,
I felt proud.

When you scolded me,
For neglecting my heath amidst my hectic work,
I felt pampered.

When I saw you scream,
Crying out of labor pains,
I felt helpless.

When I saw tears of happiness in your eyes,
As you looked at our kid,
I felt blessed once again.

All these feeling have bloomed in my heart,
But are yet to blossom in reality.
As these are feelings I long to feel,
For these are still unfelt.

When will you marry me?

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